5.30.2012

The Shit Storm.


As utterly shocking as I know this will sound ;-)....I firmly believe a few things in life are meant to be. Don't start rolling your eyes yet. You have no idea where I am going with this......
I don't think you can handle all my “theories” at once so I'll start u off with just one.

EVERY ADULT WILL SHIT THEIR PANTS AT LEAST ONCE.

This adult window I speak of starts once you are legally an adult at the age of 18 and ends when you are so old that you wear depends. Im very sorry if you haven't yet had your moment but it WILL happen. I know from my own experience. (yes.. I shit myself while 9 months pregnant...TWICE! Bahahahahhahahahahhah) But also because I am not afraid or uncomfortable to talk to people about this. I know from almost every single person I have had this conversation with that either they have indeed had their adult shitting experience OR if they haven't, they usually know MULTIPLE people who have had their “moment.”
Im very sorry if this grosses you out but I'm guessing if it does that you will not have read this far. Now I know what you all are wondering.....How did I shit myself twice while 9 months prego????

In my defense I was super duper sick. It was about one week before I had the nugget actually. To be specific it was New Years Day 2011. I woke up at 3am on Jan. 1, 2011 and started throwing up. (insert your own mental image of a 9 month prego woman TRYING to bend over a toilet to throw up. Its actually a phenomenon that I was able to get it all in the toilet/trash cans I was using.) The day went on and I was unable to keep any fluids or food down. After many phone calls and a close communication with my OB doctor I was told to come in to the hospital. At about 4pm I was admitted, hooked up to IV, given fluids, medications to stop the vomiting, and lastly given meds to make me fall asleep. I was told that I was very dehydrated and my nugget's heart rate was high from all my heaving, and dehydration. It was imperative that I got rest. After two hours I was sent home to sleep. The evening came and went. It's 1am- still no sleep and still vomiting. The dr. said it was time to be re-admitted and hooked up to IV again and to get the strongest drugs they could safely give me to make me stop throwing up and to sleep. Here it comes people...... Just as I stood up to leave for the hospital I felt my pants just fill up and get really warm. I had no feeling of it even coming out! SHIT! Literally SHIT! Now Im shitting myself, throwing up, need to go to the hospital, Im exhausted, and now I gotta take a damn shower first. Awesome. I get all cleaned up and had a good giggle about it with the Turkey. Finally made it to hospital. They did their routine. Hooked me all up, and injected me with stronger meds to make me quit throwing up. Last they gave me an Ambien and later sent me on my way....or so Im told. I apparently was passed out before the Turkey even hauled me to the car. (Yes, again you will want to insert a mental image of me 9 months prego and Tom hauling me to the car)
This story is almost over, I promise. The last and final detail is that when I woke up the next day (at 4 in the afternoon) I had another surprise in my pants. Yep. Thats right.

So thats my story! I encourage you all who have had your own shit experience to sit back and laugh, and for those of you who haven't yet -well beware and be ready. It will happen to you too.

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