5.27.2013

Irreconcilable Differences.


Turkey is pretty much the most amazing hubs ever to me. He nearly always gets it “right”. Recently he surprised me with a gossip magazine and watermelon (two of my favorite things) from a quick trip to the store. While browsing my magazine I settled in on one of my favorite pages...ya know the one that really gives you the real facts. The babies being born, engagements, the breakups...the divorces. Have any of you noticed that every single celebrity divorce is due to “irreconcilable differences”??? I'm like borderline looney tunes and think these people are actually my friends and I need more info. I really want to know what went wrong. It's so frustrating to me that they keep citing “irreconcilable differences.” So being the messed up person that I am, I then sat there and thought of the only ways I know how to understand that term. Thinking of what possible scenarios theses couple would have been disagreeing on. I decided to evaluate my own marriage. Yes...I'm about to air our “dirty laundry”....are you ready??? After 10 years of together-ness and almost 5 years of marriage there are a few topics I would consider as being “irreconcilable” between the Turkey and myself. I feel 100% confident that we will NEVER agree on the following:

1. Spaghetti.
Do you combine the noodles and sauce AND THEN serve -or- do you let each person dish up their own noodles and own sauce on top of that??? Of course, I'm right, as always ;-) and clearly the answer SHOULD BE to let each person dish up their own amounts...otherwise the ratio of sauce to noodles in wrong for some people. (I don't enjoy much sauce over my noodles, thank you very much.) Turkey however believes the taste is “richer” if you combine in skillet ahead of time because the sauce soaks into noodles.
We will NEVER sit down to a peaceful and satisfying dinner of spaghetti.

2. TV volume.
The volume should never exceed 11 according to me. Turkey prefers a volume well into teens. Sometimes, for movies, up to as high as 21. This is unacceptable to my sensitive ears.

3. Indoor Illumination
I am a LOVER of light. Daylight being the best. I love the window blinds open and not blocked by curtains being drawn. I also sometimes feel it totally necessary to supplement natural daylight with indoor lighting. If it is not a bright day or the sun isn't currently up I feel it necessary to have nearly every light on in the house. Yes, I understand what a waste of electricity this is to many people but this is as essential to me as having heat in our house through the winter. Unfortunately, I married a vampire who loathes lights being on in the house. He just goes from room to room turning off lights and then I just follow behind turning them back on. We will never settle this.

4. Frozen Pie
Im spoiled. I'll just put it out there. Mother Hen is the most amazing cook/baker/homemaker to ever walk the land. Everything is homemade. None of this frozen shit. I can't help what quality I grew up with. My taste buds are simply just too refined for frozen pie. Nope, Turkey, it's just not happenin. GET. OVER. IT. I recently just became aware of this “difference.” It's always been there but I had no reason to see this issue in our marriage. In preparation (or lack there of...ahem) for Easter with Turkey's Mom I was trying to scramble and figure out what I would take to contribute. That's when Turkey suggested we just go buy a frozen pie. I'm not sure what the exact dialogue was like from this point forward other then it ended with him telling me “You are the snobbiest person I know.” **NEWS FLASH -TURKEY, Refusing to take a frozen pie somewhere does not make me snob!!! Again, my defense is- simply- that I can't help what Mothen Hen has done to me. I just have higher standards. I'm sorry.

5. Making the Bed
In case you all haven't picked up on this, I'll just put it out there. I'm slightly OCD. I'm very particular about some things in my life. I like order and routines. It makes life feel predictable and in control. I can't leave dishes just lying in the sink, I need to pick up the toys often and put them all where they belong, I fluff my throw pillows..etc. Don't think for a second that my house is always orderly because thats simply not true. But, I do try to keep it as tidy as much as I can. Something that I can not compromise on is making the bed every morning. If the bed were not made it would be like those who survive on coffee not having any coffee to begin their day. Turkey sees no point in bed making...although I will admit is a very good sport about completing this task most days. It's just when I leave town that we run into a real issue. Do you know how bat shit crazy it makes me when I leave town without him and he makes a point to tell me he isn't making the bed each of those days??? It makes me feel as though my house is on fire. I need to get back into town ASAP to save my house. He finds great pleasure in my discontentment from just knowing that my bed isn't made. It's mean. It's cruel. He will never understand.

Other then these 5 main issues I think we are right on course. I have high hopes that we can continue to work through our differences and be in this thing for the long haul. ;-)

2 comments:

  1. bahahaha i love it!! There isn't enough time for me to list all dave and I's "differences" ;)

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  2. Hey don't blame me for your pie 'sensitivity' it's all I know - homemade from scratch your Grandma S taught me. And, yes I did spoil you all with homemade. The bed situation from Grand ma as well. Poor Grandma S not even here to enjoy her work:-) Your on your own with the spaghetti, but yes turn off some of those light bulbs. Didn't I teach your better than that?

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